identity

it feels kinda weird.

i thought i had figured out who i am. where i was heading. what gave me strength. and what was my kryptonite. but somehow, just as i thought i was close to discovering myself, i realised how far away i was as well.

well the journey has barely began, i have been bombarded left, right and centre, all thanks to what i thought was a full-proof strategy. i was hopin for the best and expecting the worst but somehow the worst that i expected was nothing compared to what i was dealt with. obliterated? far from it.

while i have definitely strenghtened my mind in preparation for what is to come, i realise that the rest of me was left behind. while i have fathom the thoughts and dreams, i do not have the strength to carry it through. yet.

but i realise it now. what needs to be done. and i shall stand up and walk again. this is definitely not the last blow. but i know that come what may, i have what it takes inside to rise again.

i would like to leave you with 2 quotes which i found very inspiring and i hope you do too:

1. you have not failed till you give up

2. there is no such thing as failures, only learning experiences

(2) kinda contradicts (1) but i guess it depends on what your mindset is. choose the one that suits you best.

godspeed

Tariq :: email ::
|10:16 am|
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numb

i guess its a good time as any to reflect on the year thats coming to an end.

a year that was filled with so much joy and happiness.

but also with its fair share of sorrows.

a year that brought it with the dreams and promise of a great eternity and future.

but also a year that dashed many hopes.

as i sit here and ponder what had gone wrong in 2005, i realise that i do not feel as upset as i should be given what has happened. there is truth in the saying that there is no point in crying over spilt milk, just learn to not repeat the same mistakes again. and i have been living by that code. but it seems to have a frightening effect when i think about it.

come to think of it, do i wanna brood about it like most people do and waste my precious time?

or do i want to move on and enjoy whatever time i have left?

it all seems much clearer now.

Tariq :: email ::
|12:59 am|
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stress

here's something interesting that i read and thought it would be good to share it with you guys:

it is friday evening and 2 young lawyers get phone calls at home. the trial date for an important case has been moved up. both of the lawyers will now have to prepare a report for the case by monday morning. it is a threatening situation for both. each must do extensive reasearch and write a complex document of some forty pages all in a single weekend. furthermore, each knows that her work will be evaluated by the firm's partners, and how well she does may greatly influence her future in the firm.

one of the lawyers find the situation extremely stressful; she feels tremendous anxiety, experiences headaches and stomach upsets, and has difficulty working. she somehow manages to produce a report, but she is not at all happy with it.

the other lawyer, although she too feels the pressure of the situation, sees it not so much as a threat but as a challenge - an oppotunity to show how good she is. she moves into the firm's office for the weekend and, sleeping only 3 hours a night, completes a brilliant report with a clear mind and a surge of energy.

this shows that stress is caused not so much by the events themselves as by the ways in which people perceive and react to events. as the greek philosopher epicetus declared almost 2000 years ago, "we are not disturbed by things, but our opinions about things." to cope with stress effectively, we often need to redefine the situation from one of threat to one of challenge or opportunity.

Tariq :: email ::
|10:18 pm|
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travelling

they say that travelling does wonders for the body and spirit and i couldnt agree more. the more you travel, the more you get to see the world and the more you realise your position in the world. there is so much about reading about other places that a newspaper or book or webpage can do. but when you are there to experience things for yourself, you suddenly realise how much different these the world is.

i did my fair share of travelling this year: to bangkok, phuket, china, hong kong, kl, tioman, new jersey, philadelphia and hopefully new york sometime soon. yes i must admit it is a lot of places for a student but i am glad to have been to these places, not just to enjoy and relax myself but to see how people in different countries behave and react. and i realise how much we, as singaporeans, are ungrateful and sheltered. and that if we do not wake up and realise it, it would lead to our downfall in the future as global economoy fully blooms.

like i say, you can always read about how we are fortunate to live in a safe country and have a clean city and so on but we never really treasure it until we are overseas. when you realise how tough a student's life in the US is as they have to work part time, or sometimes even full time when the situation is bad, while studyin because they have school fees of USD7000 a semester to pay off, you realise how pathetic we are when we complain of our SGD7000 a year school fees. when you realise how hard a person in phuket or china has to work for that 1 dollar to feed themselves and their family, i feel ashamed with myself for spending money so easily to buy the things that i want.

i realise that life is not a bed of roses and that life can be tough, even for a country that we singaporeans think as great such as the states, its not all that when you get to experience it first hand. it makes me realise that i better get my life in check, to really find out the things that i want and how i want to achieve it instead of just dreaming and hoping that it would into my lap one day.

while this lesson can only be transmitted to you in the form of a webpage, and like i say, will never be a substitute for experiencing it first hand, take it from me with a pinch of salt. that who we are tomorrow is determined by our actions today. and that our actions today are determined by the experiences that we have lived thru.

good luck

Tariq :: email ::
|5:22 am|
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updates

well guys, i've been asked to update my blogs quite a fair bit and i am currently getting there but i decided against blogging about my US trip.

for starters, i do not believe in using a blog to tell everyone about my everyday life. there are blogs that do that but mine is not one such blog. my blog has been and forever shall be used as a vehicle of my thoughts. i respect those people who use their blogs for the former and am an avid reader of some of it but when it comes to my own blog, i like to do things my way.

but not too worry, that's where MSN and coffee sessions are for, where i can sit down and talk to my friends about my trip and what i did and pass them a souveneir (if i am not broke when i go down to the shop though, so do not keep your hopes up).

so guys, not to worry, i'll be updating this blog soon with my thoughts and feelings. its just kinda cold here (below 0) so i am most of the time tucked under a nice warm comforter. but the updates are coming soon.

in the mean time, i'll see you guys on MSN and we can chat more over there.

Tariq :: email ::
|8:56 pm|
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worryin

in the early 1990s, Donald Trump was nearly $1 billion in debt personally and $9 billion in debt corporately. an interviewer asked Trump if he was worried. Trump replied, " worrying is a waste of time. worrying gets in my way of working to solve these problems." one of the main reasons people are not rich is that they worry too much about things that might never happen.

Tariq :: email ::
|2:18 pm|
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