a word of thanks

A Singaporean expressing his gratitude in keeping with the festive season.A bit late but nevertheless, it is funny and sarcastic enough for circulation still. Read it to the end, you wun regret it:

"As Christmas draws nearer, I find that it is important to reflect on our lives and be thankful for the blessings that we have. I am thankful that unlike me, who has foolishly wasted my vote on the opposition, many Singaporeans has made the right choice in deciding to vote for the PAP.


I am thankful that unlike other countries who are wasting their time tackling unimportant issues like recession and rising unemployment, our goverment has decided to address the most important issue of the day since being returned to power -- dirty coffeshop toilets. I am thankful that from now onwards my descendents will no longer be condemned to using filthy public toilets. I am thankful that instead on concentrating their efforts on frivolous things like stimulating the economy and creating new jobs, the goverment has been focusing their time and effort on important things like clean toilets and a $500 million budget for World Cup 2010. At least the jobless will be able to stay at home and watch soccer instead of doing stupid things like working -- these things should be left to the FTs.


I am thankful that LHL has not foolishly tried to run for election in a contested ward because who knows, he might have lost and we would not have our next PM. I am thankful that the difficult decision of deciding who should be the next PM is not up to the Singaporeans to decide. I am thankful to the goverment for doing the thinking for me -- saves the effort. I have already made up my mind, now I am just waiting for the goverment to tell me what it is.

I am thankful that in a nation where 75% of the population are idiots, in the future we will have the King of Idiots to rule over us.

I am thankful that the NSS is not vote buying by the goverment.

I am thankful the our goverment is not like some other repressive regimes that throws its opposition into jail, instead they will be made bankrupts in courts presided by judges appointed by the goverment. I am thankful that despite owing their jobs to the PAP, our court judges are still able to remain just and impartial.

I am thankful the unlike other countries, our labour unions is controlled by the goverment -- otherwise we might have labour strikes if the unions are too concerned with improving the lives of our workers instead of working with the goverment in finding ways to cut wages.

I am thankful that even though I am paid like a third world second class worker, I can still have a first world lifestyle. I am thankful that even though we are a first world society in many aspects, our wages are still competitive with third world countries.

I am thankful that the CEOs in Singapore are among the best paid in the world -- second only to Hong Kong in Asia while our goverment recommends that the wages of ordinary workers be cut to save jobs. I am thankful that the average wage for a CEO is $ 1.1 million while the average wage of a Singaporean is $20,000.

I am thankful that our goverment believes in equality and a fair distribution of wealth.

I am thankful that it will take me 15-20 years to pay for a HDB flat.

I am thankful that the NTUC has decided to help the workers by lowering their prices so that I don't have to go down to Carrefour or Cold Storage for cheaper groceries -- instead I could just do my shopping at the neighbourhood NTUC. I am thankful that the chairman of the NTUC is appointed by the goverment instead of being decided by its members.

I am thankful that our million dollar ministers has come up with the brilliant plan of cutting wages to reduce business cost to protect existing jobs. It was a stroke of genius. Only an uneducated idiot like me would think of things like cutting corporate taxes, reducing rents, temporarily suspending the ERP system or maybe even cutting the GST and reducing the costs of living and doing business.

I am thankful that the government has not done anything to reduce the money going to government because we might not be able to afford our world class million dollar cabinet. I am thankful to the government for giving me the opportunity to do my duty as a citizen in bearing the brunt of the recession.

I am thankful to the CDC for their job matching schemes and how they have showed that a university education does not restrict you to only cushy desk jobs. Instead now Singapore can boasts of the most highly educated cab drivers, cleaners and security guards in the world. Instead of cab drivers who will complain about our government to foreign tourist in broken english, we will now have university graduates who can tell the foreigners how the goverment will treat them better than their own citizens and how the cushy desk jobs will be reserved for them while our graduates ferry them to and fro from work in cabs and clean their office and tables for them at work.

I am also thankful to the PAP for constantly reminding me what a sacrifice they are making by forgoing their generous private sector pay in serving the nation. Instead now they'll have to try to makedo with a measly MP allowance of $20,000 per month. I am thankful that I can still have a part-time MP for only $20,000.

I am also thankful that our politicians don't have to reveal their personal assets when standing for election unlike other countries. This could have digged up some skeletons in the closets and marred our reputation as a corruption free country.

I am thankful that there is no corruption, cronynism and nepotism in our goverment becuase the goverment told us that there isn't. I am thankful that no evidence is needed.

I am thankful that our new life sciences industry will generate at least 10,000 new jobs. Now we can employ even more FTs (Foreign Talents)and let Singaporeans compete for the remaining 132 cleaning and security postions. Not to worry, the CDC will probably step in to match our university graduates to these positions as well.

I am thankful that one day I won't have to work because my job will be taken over by a cheaper FT. I am also thankful that I will probably starve to death because Buddha says -- to live is to suffer and I won't have to suffer anymore.

I am just thankful that I have a opportunity to show my appreciation to the goverment in this forum -- more good years indeed and PAP forever."

By a Singaporean

Tariq :: email ::
|2:00 pm|
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