Light of My Life

railway tracks

2006-05-06T01:07:00.000+08:00

i went to a train station today and learned that the distance between railway tracks is always 143.5 centimetres or 4 feet 8.5 inches. Why this absurd measurement? i asked my girlfriend to find out and this is what she discovered. when they built the first train carriages, they used the same tools as they had for building horse-draw carriages. and why that distance between the wheels on carriages? because that was the of the old roads along which the carriages had to travel. and who decided that roads should be that width?

well, suddenly. we are plunged back into the distant past. it was the romans, the first great road-builders, who decided to make their roads that width. and why? because their war chariots were pulled by 2 horses, and when placed side by side, the horses they used at that time took up 143.5cm.

so the distance between the tracks i saw today, used by our state-of-the-art high-speed trains, was determined by the Romans. when people went to the united states and started building railways there, it didn't occur to them to change the width and so it stayed as it was. this even affected the building of space shuttles. american engineers. thought that the fuel should be wider, but the tanks were built in utah and had to be transported by train to the space center in florida, and the tunnels couldn't take anything wider. and so they had to accept the measurement that the Romans had decided was the ideal. but what has all this to do with marriage?

it has everything to do with marriage. at some point in history, someone turned up and said: when 2 people get married, they must stay frozen like that for the rest of their lives. you will move along side by side like the two tracks, keeping always that same distance apart. even if sometimes one of you needs to be a little further away or a little closer, that is against the rules. the rules say: be sensible, think of the future, think of your children. you can't change, you must be like 2 railway tracks that remain the same distance apart all the way from their point of departure to their destination. the rules don't allow for love ot change, or to grow at the start and diminish halfway through - it's too dangerous. and so, after the enthusiasm of the first few years, they maintain the same distance, the same solidity, the same functional nature. your purpose is to allow the train bearing the survival of the species to head off into the future: your children will only be happy if you stay just as you were - 143.5cm apart. if you're not happy with something that never changes, think of them, think of the children you brought into the world.

think of your neighbours. show them that you're happy, eat roast beef on sundays, watch television, help the community. think of society: dress in such a way that everyone knows you're in perfect harmony. never glance to the side, someone might be watching you, and that could bring temptation, it could mean divorce, crisis, depression.

smile in all the photos. put the photos in the living room, so that everyone can see them. cut the grass, practise a sport - oh yes, you must practise a sport in order to stay frozen in time. when sport isn't enough, have plastic surgery. but never forget , these rules were established long ago and must be respected. who established these rules? that doesn't matter. don't question them, because they will always apply, even if you don't agree with them.

from The Zahir by Paulo Coelho

become who you are

2006-03-17T00:39:00.000+08:00

that is why it is so important to let certain things go. to release them. to cut loose. people need to understand that no one is playing with marked card; sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. don't expect to get anything back, don't expect recognition for your efforts, don't expect your genius to be discovered or your love to be understood. complete the circle. not out of pride, inability or arrogance, but simply because whatever it is no longer fits in your life. close the door, change the record, clean the house, get rid of the dust. stop being who you were and become who you are.

of happiness and the growth of love

2006-02-19T10:32:00.000+08:00

Esther asks why people are sad.

'That's simple,' says the old man. 'They are the prisoners of their personal history. Everyone believes that the main aim in life is to follow a plan. They never ask if that plan is theirs or if it was created by another person. They accumilate experiences, memories, things, other people's ideas, and it is more than they can possibly cope with. And that is why they forget their dreams.'

Esther remarks that many people say to her: 'You're lucky, you know what you want from life, whereas I don't even know what I want to do.'

'Of course they know,' replies the nomad. 'Hoiw many people do you know who say: I've never done what I wanted, but then, that's life. If they say they haven't done what they wanted, then, at some point, they must have known what it was that they did want. As for life, it's just another story that other people tell us about the world and about how we should behave in the world.'

'Even worse are those people who say: I', happy because I'm sacrificing my life for those I love.'

'And do you think that the people who love us want to see us suffering for their sakes? Do you think that love is a source of suffering?'

'To be honest, yes.'

'Well, it shouldn't be.'

'If I gotget the story other people have told me, I;ll also forget a lot of very important things life has taught me. What was the point of struggling to learn so much? What was the point of struggling to gain experience, so as to be able to deal with my career, my husbans, my various crises?'

'Accumulated knowledge is useful when it comes to cooking or living within your means or wrapping up warm in winter or respecting certain limits or knowing where particular bu and train lines go. Do you believe that your past loves have taught you to love better?'

'They've taught me to know what I want.'

'I didn't ask that. Have your past loves taught you to love your husband better?'

'No, on the contrary. In order to surrender myself to him, I had to forget all the scars left by other men. Is that what you mean?'

'In order for the true energy of love to penetrate your soul, your soul must be as if you had just been born. Why are people unhappy? Because they want to imprison that energy, which is impossible. Forgetting your personal history means leaving that channel clear, allowing that energy to manifest itself each day in whatever way it chooses, allowing yourself to be guided by it.'

'That's all very romantic, but very difficult too, because that energy gets blocked by all kinds of things: commitment, children, your social situation...'

'... and, agyer a while. by despair, fear, loneliness, and your attempts to control the uncontrollable. According to the tradition of the steppes - which is known as the Tengri - in order to live fully, it is necessary to be in constant movement; only then can each day be different from the last. When they passed through cities, the nomads would think: The poor people who live there, for them everything is always the same. The people in the cities probably looked at the nomads and thought: Poor things, they have nowhere to live. The nomads had no past, only the present, and that is why they were always happy, until the Communist government made them stop travelling and forced them to live on collective farms. From then on, little by little, they came to believe that the story that society told them was true. consequently, they have lost all their strength.'

'No one nowadays can spend their whole life travelling.'

'Not physically, no, but they on a spiritual plane. Going further and further, distancing yourself from your personal history, from what you were forced to become.'

'How does one go about abandoning the story one was told?'

'By repeating it out loud in meticulous detail. And as we tell our story, we say goodbye to what we were, as you'll see if you try, we create space for a new, unknown world. We repeat the old story over and over until it is no longer important to us. '

'Is that all?'

'There is jjust one other thing: as spaces grow, it is important to fill them up quickly, even if only provisionally, as as not to be left with a feeling of emptiness.'

'How?'

'With different sotries, with experiences we never dared to have or didn't want to have. That is how we change. That is how love grows. And when love grows, we grow with it.'

'Does that mean we might lose things that are important?'

'Never. The important things always stay; what we lose are the things we thought were important but which are, in fact, useless, like the false power we use to control the energy of love.'

from The Zahir by Paulo Coelho

of impotence and trust

2006-02-18T13:15:00.000+08:00

She turned to a man on his own, on the other side of the room.

"Have you ever failed to get an erection when you've been to bed with a woman?"

The man avoided giving a direct answer.

"No, he's not." said the girl firmly. "But it has occasionally happened to him. And I know that if you had taken my question seriously, your answer would have been "Yes, O jave." All men, in all cultures and countries, independent of any feelings of love or sexual attraction, have all experienced impotence at one time or another, often when they're with the person they most desire. It's normal."

Yes , it was normal, and the person who told me this was a psychiatrist to whom I went when I thought I had a problem.

The girl went on:

"But the story we're told is that all men can always get an erection. When he can't the man feels useless, and the woman is convinced she isn't attractive enough to arouse him. Since it's a taboo subkect, he can't talk to his friends about it. He tells the woman an old lie: "It's never happened to me before." He feels ashamed of himself and often runs away from someone with whom he could have had a really good relationship, if only he had told the truth, he would have found out that he wasn't the only one. If he had trusted more in the love of the woman, he would not have felt humiliated.

from The Zahir by Paulo Coelho

mongolian creation myth

2006-02-17T12:54:00.000+08:00

in the wors of the mongolian creation myth, there came a wild dog who was blue and grey and whose destiny was imposed on him by the heavens. his mate was a roe deer.

thus begins another love story. the wild dog with his courage and strenght, the doe with her gentleness, intuition and elegance. hunter and hunted meet and love each other. according to the laws of nature, one should destroy the other, but in love, there is neither good nor evil, there is neither construction nor destruction, there is merely movement. and loves changes the laws of nature.

in the steppes where i come, the wild dog is seen as a feminine creature. sensitive, capable of hunting because he has honed his insticts, but timid too. he does not use brute force but strategy. courageous, cautious, quick. he can change in a second from a state of ocmplete relaxation to the tension he needs to pounce on his prey.

and what about the doe?

the roe deer has the male attributes of speed and an an understanding of the earth. the two travel along together in their symbolic worlds, two imposiibilities who have found each other, and because they overcome their own natures and their barriers, they make the world possible too. that is the mongolian creation myth: out of two different natures, love is born. in contradiction, love grows in strength. in confrontation and transformation, love is preserved.

from The Zahir by Paulo Coelho

time is money

2006-02-11T18:43:00.000+08:00

we always hear it but i could never see it for what it was worth. to me it used to be, not to waste time as you can do other things that could generate better incentives such as money. or so i thought. until some reading unearthed its true meaning.

what that sayin is tryin to say is that, its not how packed your schedule is but what you do with your time. you could fill your schedule with useless things to do and you would still not gain what you would have wanted. follow my drift?

a secretary and her boss works the same number of hours a day yet her boss earns so much more than her. why? coz her boss is doing things that would generate more incentives than his secretary. now i am not insulting or putting down secretaries or other such positions. what i am tryin to do is give you a better understanding.

are the things that you have done today, what could bring you your dreams and desires tomorrow? if not, then you are just wasting your time. sure we all need a break now and then but i was surprised to learn that even during a break, one can work towards their dreams.

money is not everything in the world because you can easily trade anything for money. a box, a car, a stereo set. sell those off and you got the cash that you wanted. but what about time? what can you trade for an hour or for a min more?

nothing.

you could buy things that saves you time such as a photocopy machine that makes copies instead of printing multiple copies on an inkjet. that is but one of the ways to 'make' more time. what most people would consider a waste of money because you can do it by other means fail to realise that the other means are more time consuming.

so what are you gonna sacrifice today? your time or money?

identity

2005-12-27T10:16:00.000+08:00

it feels kinda weird.

i thought i had figured out who i am. where i was heading. what gave me strength. and what was my kryptonite. but somehow, just as i thought i was close to discovering myself, i realised how far away i was as well.

well the journey has barely began, i have been bombarded left, right and centre, all thanks to what i thought was a full-proof strategy. i was hopin for the best and expecting the worst but somehow the worst that i expected was nothing compared to what i was dealt with. obliterated? far from it.

while i have definitely strenghtened my mind in preparation for what is to come, i realise that the rest of me was left behind. while i have fathom the thoughts and dreams, i do not have the strength to carry it through. yet.

but i realise it now. what needs to be done. and i shall stand up and walk again. this is definitely not the last blow. but i know that come what may, i have what it takes inside to rise again.

i would like to leave you with 2 quotes which i found very inspiring and i hope you do too:

1. you have not failed till you give up

2. there is no such thing as failures, only learning experiences

(2) kinda contradicts (1) but i guess it depends on what your mindset is. choose the one that suits you best.

godspeed

numb

2005-12-25T00:59:00.000+08:00

i guess its a good time as any to reflect on the year thats coming to an end.

a year that was filled with so much joy and happiness.

but also with its fair share of sorrows.

a year that brought it with the dreams and promise of a great eternity and future.

but also a year that dashed many hopes.

as i sit here and ponder what had gone wrong in 2005, i realise that i do not feel as upset as i should be given what has happened. there is truth in the saying that there is no point in crying over spilt milk, just learn to not repeat the same mistakes again. and i have been living by that code. but it seems to have a frightening effect when i think about it.

come to think of it, do i wanna brood about it like most people do and waste my precious time?

or do i want to move on and enjoy whatever time i have left?

it all seems much clearer now.

stress

2005-12-13T22:18:00.000+08:00

here's something interesting that i read and thought it would be good to share it with you guys:

it is friday evening and 2 young lawyers get phone calls at home. the trial date for an important case has been moved up. both of the lawyers will now have to prepare a report for the case by monday morning. it is a threatening situation for both. each must do extensive reasearch and write a complex document of some forty pages all in a single weekend. furthermore, each knows that her work will be evaluated by the firm's partners, and how well she does may greatly influence her future in the firm.

one of the lawyers find the situation extremely stressful; she feels tremendous anxiety, experiences headaches and stomach upsets, and has difficulty working. she somehow manages to produce a report, but she is not at all happy with it.

the other lawyer, although she too feels the pressure of the situation, sees it not so much as a threat but as a challenge - an oppotunity to show how good she is. she moves into the firm's office for the weekend and, sleeping only 3 hours a night, completes a brilliant report with a clear mind and a surge of energy.

this shows that stress is caused not so much by the events themselves as by the ways in which people perceive and react to events. as the greek philosopher epicetus declared almost 2000 years ago, "we are not disturbed by things, but our opinions about things." to cope with stress effectively, we often need to redefine the situation from one of threat to one of challenge or opportunity.

travelling

2005-12-12T05:22:00.000+08:00

they say that travelling does wonders for the body and spirit and i couldnt agree more. the more you travel, the more you get to see the world and the more you realise your position in the world. there is so much about reading about other places that a newspaper or book or webpage can do. but when you are there to experience things for yourself, you suddenly realise how much different these the world is.

i did my fair share of travelling this year: to bangkok, phuket, china, hong kong, kl, tioman, new jersey, philadelphia and hopefully new york sometime soon. yes i must admit it is a lot of places for a student but i am glad to have been to these places, not just to enjoy and relax myself but to see how people in different countries behave and react. and i realise how much we, as singaporeans, are ungrateful and sheltered. and that if we do not wake up and realise it, it would lead to our downfall in the future as global economoy fully blooms.

like i say, you can always read about how we are fortunate to live in a safe country and have a clean city and so on but we never really treasure it until we are overseas. when you realise how tough a student's life in the US is as they have to work part time, or sometimes even full time when the situation is bad, while studyin because they have school fees of USD7000 a semester to pay off, you realise how pathetic we are when we complain of our SGD7000 a year school fees. when you realise how hard a person in phuket or china has to work for that 1 dollar to feed themselves and their family, i feel ashamed with myself for spending money so easily to buy the things that i want.

i realise that life is not a bed of roses and that life can be tough, even for a country that we singaporeans think as great such as the states, its not all that when you get to experience it first hand. it makes me realise that i better get my life in check, to really find out the things that i want and how i want to achieve it instead of just dreaming and hoping that it would into my lap one day.

while this lesson can only be transmitted to you in the form of a webpage, and like i say, will never be a substitute for experiencing it first hand, take it from me with a pinch of salt. that who we are tomorrow is determined by our actions today. and that our actions today are determined by the experiences that we have lived thru.

good luck

updates

2005-12-09T20:56:00.000+08:00

well guys, i've been asked to update my blogs quite a fair bit and i am currently getting there but i decided against blogging about my US trip.

for starters, i do not believe in using a blog to tell everyone about my everyday life. there are blogs that do that but mine is not one such blog. my blog has been and forever shall be used as a vehicle of my thoughts. i respect those people who use their blogs for the former and am an avid reader of some of it but when it comes to my own blog, i like to do things my way.

but not too worry, that's where MSN and coffee sessions are for, where i can sit down and talk to my friends about my trip and what i did and pass them a souveneir (if i am not broke when i go down to the shop though, so do not keep your hopes up).

so guys, not to worry, i'll be updating this blog soon with my thoughts and feelings. its just kinda cold here (below 0) so i am most of the time tucked under a nice warm comforter. but the updates are coming soon.

in the mean time, i'll see you guys on MSN and we can chat more over there.

worryin

2005-12-07T14:18:00.000+08:00

in the early 1990s, Donald Trump was nearly $1 billion in debt personally and $9 billion in debt corporately. an interviewer asked Trump if he was worried. Trump replied, " worrying is a waste of time. worrying gets in my way of working to solve these problems." one of the main reasons people are not rich is that they worry too much about things that might never happen.

the australian drug trafficker

2005-11-24T00:04:00.000+08:00

i'm sure you guys must have heard or read the news about the australian who is going to be hanged and that australia is pissed off with singapore's decision. well i do not believe in taking away someone else's life because they were trafficking drugs. on the other hand, i feel that a lot of unjust comments have been made about singapore, and while i am not one to say that i am a patriotic singaporean, i feel that such comments should be rebutted on the sake of intellectual debate.

now there are many comments, mostly negative, made by foreigners about the sentence and i shall not highlight them all here but basically here are some of them:

comment: if he is hung, who is the one that suffers? his mom and relatives who would be mourning till the end of their time because of the lost of a loved one.
my rebuttal: what if he had made it through with the drugs? then how many more lives would be destroyed as a result of such people taking drugs? i would even go as far as to say that those drugs could be pushed to first time users and thus getting them hooked onto a fatal habit.

comment: a lot of people are seriously offended by singapore's actions
my rebuttal: the law is there for everyone to see. if you do not know the laws and you get caught, is it your fault for doing the illegal? it is one thing to be ignorant about the sentence but another thing totally when you know what you are in for and still go ahead and commit it.

comment: people would have a negative view towards singapore because of their actions.
my rebuttal: wun the world have a more negative view if they let this person off? true we are talking about a life here but what message is this sending to the druglords? i really pity the guy and would be sorely bitter towards the government as well if something happened to a loved one of mine, but alas, if this is the path that he chose to lead, then he has to be man enough to face the consequences.

again i have to stress that i do not condone what singapore is doing but looking at the bigger picture, it is something that has to be done. the fact that a life is involved makes it even harder and the area grey. however, those who would like to comments should always consider both sides of the story before letting their emotions run high and making one-sided judgements.

complaints

2005-11-11T20:41:00.000+08:00

yo dan, this blog entry's for you for aksin me about my absence. dun take it the wrong way, i dun usually blog for people unless i am blogging for my babe and its dedicated to her. but the reason this entry is dedicated to you is because it kinda explains why i havent been blogging, and on top of that, my perspective on the world as well.

we humans have the tendency to complain. its not just a singaporean thing like we all think it is. because i believe that one who does not complain when they are not treated the way they are or get the serivce that they expect are just timid inside and do not dare to face the world. if i have offended you with this comment, dun take it to heart as you will soon see why.

well that was what i used to think, of people who didnt complain. but i realised how wrong i was. there are 2 types of people who do not complain. the ones who are timid as highlighted above and those who do not let such problems affect them. and i realise that i wanna mould myself into that kind of person.

when i blogged in the past, i used to write about reasons and my unhappiness with the world around me. but it all changed when i got attached and things got really great. i then started blogging about perspectives and all. but the underlying reason was still the same, that i wanted to let out steam on something. my previous post on education showed just this. it does feel good to let it all out, i can tell you that. but it had a negative aspect to it. it made me feel inferior somehow.

and now i embark on a new journey. to be a better person. i shall no longer blog when i am pissed off with something. rather i will blog after i have cooled down from an episode. i shall think bout what made agitated and control it first and then i shall blog about it. to me, i see no point to complain about life, coz its not gonna change anything. the person or thing you complain about will still be the way it is.

rather i would talk it out or work towards a solution. it may seem like a silent protest but it is far from that. its the growth and development of someone who strives to attain what he wants in the shortest time possible. while men start to live their life at 40, i want to do it 30. and i realise that to do that, i would have to take the road less travelled. complainin will only slow me down and i could do with less baggage on this journey.

so there you have it. the next time you wanna complain about something, stop and think. what good would it do you? plato once told a guy that if the information that the man for him was not informative, would not do him any good and was not confirmed would do plato no good. and that's just the thought i will carry with myself as well.

on a side note, good luck to all in the upcoming exams. godspeed and god bless.

of open books and over qualified test tube washers

2005-10-25T01:56:00.000+08:00

its really weird. they say NUS is one of the best schools in the world. being in the top100 of many surveys, it really makes me wonder if they had taken into account the science faculty when they did it.

let me explain. in singapore (not sure bout the rest of the world as i have no experience there), if you do not get anything more than a basic degree or if u dun get a PhD in life sciences, you would be an over qualified test tube washer. well thats what they say. because only those top brass would get to do the research while you would be washing their test tubes and petri dishes for their next experiments. fair trade? i dun think so. but who is to blame?

i would usually say the problem is with yourself, solve that and you could solve many other problems. but in this case, i'd take a different stand.

that NUS is to blame.

why? well who would want to hire a life science student with a basic degree? all they are good at is mugging. not application or critical thinking skills. the life science modules are heavy modules but the emphasis is on memory rather than understanding. and my grounds for that accusation?

open book exams.

if it was really an understandin type of knowledge that the school emphasised, why not give open book exams? tell me, who, when they are in their current jobs, would not have access to a wealth of knowledge at their fingertips? thru the internet or library for that matter. who, when they will be workin in the future, would be locked up in the room with a pencil and paper and nothing else and be doing their work? unless u fit into those 2 categories, you can see where the problem lies.

now considerin the nature of our education, do you think they would want to hire us? then why the PhD and Masters student? well those people have already started research work and are able to prove themselves. not with their paper qualifications but mainly with their ability to do research. so you have a proven potential candidate. wouldnt a company hire you over someone who had no track record in the research field?

so what do i suggest. well for starters, it would be great if the lecturers would get off their bum and give open book exams. in fact, go the extra mile and allow laptops in exam rooms. why not? we are a click away from a wealth of information. why restrict ourselves? too bad for those who study too hard and do not know how to look for information on the web. at least they will know of their shortcomings earlier and can work on it.

well i dun think i would be able to see such things before i graduate but at least i have been able to identify the problem. what good that does, only you yourself will know. and that i hope it helps you in the future.

godspeed.

restrictions and the godfather

2005-10-19T00:14:00.000+08:00

now you must be wonderin what those 2 have in common. well another film lesson that got me thinking so if you're ready for the ride, buckle up.

man restricts himself. be it by his principles, religions, society, culture, upbringing. there is always some sort of restrictions on him. no man can ever say that he is free while he is tied to these restrictions. but are they really all that bad? while i agree that you should be free as you can and achieve everything that you want to regardless of anything else, how can restrictions be a good thing? well when they protect you against potential self-destruction. your principles mainly. but sometimes your religion and depending on which religion, this can be argues so i shall leave it as is.

but society and cultural restrictions. hmmm now those 2 need a closer look. what purpose do they serve? are they really beneficial to those who impose themselves with it? i'm sure you have felt the restrictions of your society and culture at some point in time. and to me, they have not really done any good. more like they are useless when i can support myself but turn against me when i feel injusticed.

for those who have watched the godfather, you will understand. when the italian girl was raped and beaten up by the american boys in the first part of the movie and they got away scott free without any punishment, the father of the italian girl must have felt restricted because justice was not served. he had restricted himself with society's ruling. and he was in that position. and he decided to break free from it and turn to the godfather and plead with him to exact revenge on those american boys.

it may be wrong legally. but the man now felt a sense of justice. if any of you were in his shoes, you would have felt good if you had taken that course of action. do you really think you could rest in peace if your daughter had been violated but those who did it walked away freely?

while this may be an extreme case, think again that scenarios may not have to be the same to be just as damagin to you. if you feel that you have been restricted, are you sayin that you enjoy that restriction?

if not, why are you not doin anything about it?

n dey say

2005-10-19T00:03:00.000+08:00

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
let's go(ha-haha-ha-ha)
ohhhhhN Dey Say
ohhhhhh oh ohhhh

hold up, stop now, let me get a look 'cha
damn girl i aint seen u since prom
come to think about it cant believe it's been that long
i heard your man locked down now
how long he gone? oh, dat long
how the hell he get time like that
3 strikes for possesion aww he ain't coming back
he left you with two kids and bills all around
plus you found out he had another chick cross town
it's always the darkest right before the sun rises
and you gotta stay strong for the kids in they eyes'n
please dont despise and go against all brothers
and have a hatred in your heart and take it out on another
i hate to sound 2pac-ish li'l mama keep your head up
but your gonna make it i promise you keep your head up
and that that dont kill you only makes you stronger
and the will to succeed only feed the hunger
fo' reel (fo' reel, fo' reel)

(ha-ha-ha-ha-ha)
ohhhhh
N Dey Say
ohhhhhh oh ohhhh(ha-ha-ha-ha-ha)
ohhhhh
N Dey Say
ohhhhhh oh ohhhh

i was at the gas station when a man walked past
with a sign...'will work for food, clothes or cash'
and he asked if he could pump my gas so i let him
clean the windsheild and throw out the trash so i let him
hey, i even asked a brother his namewhere he was from, got kids man and what's they ages
he kinda stuttered for a second, he kinda looked suprised
that anyone would even take an interest in his life
he said, "young brother them the only words i've heard in the last year
wasn't no or get the fuck away from herrrr"
how could something so simple as general conversation
mean much more than general conversation
hey you could tell life had beaten him down
like he was in the title fight and this might be his last round
sometimes the easiest things we take for granted
until they gone then realized we even had it
fo' real (fo' real, fo' real)

(ha-ha-ha-ha-ha)
yeah, hey
ohhhhh
N Dey Say
ohhhhhh oh ohhhh
(ha-ha-ha-ha-ha)
yeah, heyohhhhh
N Dey Say
ohhhhhh oh ohhhh

i used to think that life had a plan for me
until i realized life had to be planned by me
see that's the key i only deal wit what i can see
cuz over history, mystery brought us nothin but misery
man more people done died in the name of the Lord
then in any natural disaster, disease or gang wars
before guns they was swords and they was killin each other
And what's changed to this day still killin each other
killin a brother while another mother cries for help
man, we need to help a brother find himself
feed 'em light 1, 2, 3
hey that's somethin every brother should see
and thats fo' real,
and thats fo' real,
and thats fo' real

(ha-haha-ha-ha)
yeah, hey,
ohhhhh
N Dey Say
ohhhhhh oh ohhhh
(ha-haha-ha-ha)
hey
ohhhhh
N Dey Say
ohhhhhh oh ohhhh
(ha-haha-ha-ha

entrepreneur

2005-10-14T20:05:00.000+08:00

i signed up for this talk "financial independence through entrepreneurship" which was to be held on wednesday at 7pm. there was suppose to be this guy who was to talk to us about being an entrepreneur and all. but something just din seem right.

firstly the timing was off coz i was to break fast at 7 yet the talk was scheduled at that time. so i thought, never mind, i shall sacrifice food for another hour (whats an hour after fasting for 14 hours straight right?). so me and daniel signed up for the talk.

then while i was takin the shower at bout 6.15pm and gettin ready a thought crossed my mind. wonder how good this talk is goin to be. singaporeans dun seem to understand the meaning of the word entrepreneur. to them, anyone who starts a business in singapore, is in their words, an entrepreneur. in that context, that aunty selling kopi at science canteen would be an entrepreneur. oh well. i hope this singaporean who would be giving the talk would have a minority thinking.

then when i got to the venue of the talk, something seemes amiss. i had to sign up for some great eastern life thingie which i did coz maybe they were the sponsors of the talk or something. i mean to get an entrepreneur who makes 100K per year mustnt come free and great eastern must have sponsored it in return for our information. small price to pay i say to myself. boy was i wrong.

upon entering the LT, it was actually a talk on joinin great eastern life as a life planner. in the words of the india guy who gave the opening, he said "nowadays its hard to make a living. you cant just start your own business and expect to survive. thus the only way to to be an entrepreneur and one way you can do that is by joinin great eastern as a life planner."

what a bummer. apparently this guy who gave the openin was just as dumb as most singaporeans when it came to the definition of the word entrepreneur. now i know its very very rude to walk out in the middle of a talk but i felt cheated and they get what they deserve and this within 15 minutes i was out of there.

just goes to show that most singaporeans dun know the difference. oh well. how on earth are they goin to encourage the entrepreneurial spirit if they cant even define it properly. there is a difference between startin a business and being an entrepreneur.

in case some of you are wonderin what an entrepreneur does, he creates a NEW service or product that is useful to the world and markets it out.

wanna be a CSI?

2005-10-09T18:52:00.000+08:00

here's an interesting lesson to learn... funny... but still a lesson learnt

An autopsy professor was giving an introductory lecture to a class of students. Standing over a corpse, he addressed the class. 'There are two things you need to make a career in medical forensics. First, you must have no fear.' Having said that, he shoved his finger up the corpse's anus and licked it. 'Now you must do the same,' he told the class.

After a couple of minutes of uneasy silence, the class did as instructed.

'Second,' the professor continued, 'you must have an acute sense of observation. For instance, how many of you noticed that I put my middle finger up this man's anus, but licked my index finger?'

acceptance

2005-10-08T10:31:00.000+08:00

i used to remember this one friend who critized my blog: man you're blog is so boring. no one posts comments on it. at that time i just brushed it off coz generating comment count was not the reason i did this blog. it was just an avenue to air my thoughts and views. people come and go and if they like what they read and it changes their life, all the better.

i shall not identify the person, mainly because that person seems to strike me as an attention-whore and thus i shall propogate it. from here on, that person shall be termed as X.

at that time, i din really pay much attention to the comment made, but recently when i was reflecting on people's characteristics and their traits, i realised what X's was. X was more interested in seeking acceptance than to go with what X thought was right.

Never mind if this is wrong, i shall just do it so that people will like me. oh look, people are talking to me, they must like me. oh look, a new comment, wow i must have a lot of fans. and the list goes on.

i really do not understand such people. is seeking acceptance really that important? have you no sense of self-worth? its one thing to make your friends and the people around you happy but its another thing altogether to do something just to make them accept you. if you fall into the latter group, then i'd suggest you find a new pool of friends who can accept you for who you REALLY are and not the person with the mask on.

oh and another thing: grow up

** this post is in no way a personal attack and if you think you are guilty of it and would do something about it, good on you. if not, then good luck to you**

dying inside to hold you

2005-10-06T13:09:00.000+08:00

It's turning out just another day
I took a shower and I went on my way
I stopped there as usualhad a coffee and pie
when i turned to leavei couldn't believe my eyes
standing there i didn't know what to say
without one touch
we stood there face to face

(And) i was dying indside to hold you
i couldn't believe what i felt for you
dying inside i was dying inside
but i couldn't bring myself to touch you

you said hello then u asked my name
i didn't know if i should go all the way
inside i felt my life have really changed
i knew that it would never be the same
standing there i didn't know what to say
first time looked away when i whispered your name

(And) i was dying indside to hold you
i couldn't believe what i felt for you
dying inside i was dying inside
but i couldn't bring myself to touch you

(And) i was dying indside to hold you
i couldn't believe what i felt for you
dying inside i was dying inside
but i couldn't bring myself to touch you

one hello changed my life
i didn't believe in love at first sight
but you've shown me what is life
and I now i know my love (i know it's coming right)

(And) i was dying indside to hold you
i couldn't believe what i felt for you
dying inside i was dying inside
but i couldn't bring myself to touch you

its all in the mind

2005-10-05T22:45:00.000+08:00

had a pretty messed up day. let me see if i can recall it all here:

- my phone went bonkers and decided to hard reset (all my data was gone)
- had trouble connecting to the VoIP service i was using to call Babe
- asked history lecturer for advice on doin assignment but he's just as clueless as me
- computer decided to restart itself while i was halfway thru the history assignment
- couldnt get any friends to break fast with today
- couldnt take an afternoon nap as planned due to interruptions
- Babe's umbrealla broke

i thought someone put a curse on me. life was going pretty well. i mean even though molecular biology was messed up, i still din feel as bad as i did today. today i just fell down the drain. nothin was going my way. everythin decided to do a u-turn. and if someone decided to have a test on me, they decided to give me a volley of it one after another. thought i might have pissed someone off or something to deserve it.

but at the end of the day, i told myself that its all in the mind. i guess it started to take a downturn when my phone went bonkers and resetted itself. from then on, i got so pissed off that i took everything in a negative light. that was how easy it was to go to the dark side. something which i have been trying to avoid all this while has suddenly came back to haunt me. and the thing was when it affects you, it affects everybody around you. i have to apologise to all my friends if i sounded distant or angry when talking to you today. was not really in a good mood. but i have realised my shortcomings.

it was not fate or destiny or tests or anything of that sort. it was all just me. when i let the first negative thought manifest itself, everything that was slightly wrong turn out to be a titanic mistake in my eyes. but now i have learnt my ways. i hope that this darkness can be kept inside. it may be a part of me. but it is not something i am proud of.

to those who think that your darkness is the only way that can bring you forward, i would encourage you to take a step back and think about it. why? because i was there once. and i can tell you that while i was in darkness, i was never half as great as what i am going to be now that i am surrounded by light. there is a reason why light can overcome darkness. just be careful not to snuff out that light like i did momentarily today.

already things are looking well. gambate!!

the forest

2005-10-03T19:22:00.000+08:00

just watched kill bill vol.1 for my film and history class and found a very interesting quote at the end of the movie. changed it a bit to suit my thoughts though:

life is never a straight line. it is like a journey thru a forest. and sometimes you will get lost.

well thats pretty much apt to anyone. who's life has not been filled with ups and downs like the terrain of the forest? who has not been in a situation when they felt lost going thru life and now knowing what they want to achieve or the goals they want to attain? sometimes you may know where you are going just as when you are trekkin in the forest in the day and there are times when you can just see whats an armlength in front when walking in the night.

we all need a guiding light to get thru this forest. to the end point that we always wanted. different people will have different paradises but no matter what you will still need that guiding light if you want to get thru that forest while you can still enjoy paradise.

and my love is my guiding light. it shines the forest and shows me the path i have to undertake. it gives me a clear view of my paradise, a paradise like no other. unachievable? only to the uninitiated. i love you babe. thanks for everything.

for the rest of you, i wish you luck in findin that light.

diamond

2005-09-30T20:49:00.000+08:00

this week has been a really long and tiring week and if not for babe's love i would not have made it thru as successful as i thought. from projects to assignments and studying for test, i had to meet appointments with friends for catching up and farewells.

just thinkin about you babe, gives me the strength to go thru life here on my own. it would have been great to have you by my side babe but even when you are so far away, your picture, your voice and your love crosses boundaries and motivates me in ways that even you and i cant imagine. i guess that is the power of love. and with this, i am willing to go into unventured terrains.

next week is gonna be no better with projects submissions and tests but i know i will get thru it. had a talk with my ex-2IC while i was in the army and he was askin me about work and all. told him about how i am barely breathing but the experience is something i am lookin forward to and enduring and he told me to stick to it because he knows that i can handle it and that at the end of the day, i will come out much better than i am.

and i totally agree. thats what pressure does to you. if you stick and dun crumble under it, you have the oppotunity of gianing so much more. to be much better than you can ever be. take the graphite. with time and physical pressure and heat, it becomes a diamond, one that is so adored. and while i am not suggesting we put ourselves under such conditions, our characters will be moulded in the same way under other types of pressure and we will come out much better. the question to ask yourself is this:

are you willing to endure it all for the long run?

will you just be that graphite?

or is there a diamond waiting to come out?

now and the future

2005-09-28T23:03:00.000+08:00

i do not have a house now, but i will build a castle in the future
i do not have a car now, but i will have an underground carpark full of it in the future
i do not have fame and fortune now but i will be recognized and respected in the future
i do not have a diamond ring to give you now but i will give you a complete set of the purest diamonds in the future
i do not have a lot of money with me now but i will have too much to even know how to spend it in the future
i do not have kids to call my own now but i will have a prince and princess in the future

great dreams i agree. but possible with your love babe. however one thing that will never change from now and forever is clear to me:

you are my babe now just as i am yours. and forever we shall belong to each other.

I love you babe

and then the belief died

2005-09-26T08:57:00.000+08:00

had a talk with a good friend yesterday and he was telling me about his work. how it doesnt seem to be going well for him and how he's thinking of switchin jobs again. i told him to stick it in and try harder. i told him that as long as you believe and want to make your place better, you can do it. and it will get better. but if you say negative things, then things just wun happen for you. you've thrown in the towel. his reply to me was, you cannot apply such thoughts to work, the reality is different. at that point, i realised his mindset had changed and we had a difference in perspectives. so i just smiled and wish him all the best.

but deep in my mind and my heart, i believed that what he said was untrue. yes, life at work is harder than at school and we might not be able to apply those same principles at work. but i'd beg to differ. its not impossible. it's a huge obstacle. that's as far as i agreed.

take this true story. a guy decided one day that he didn't want to work for anyone anymore as he believed that a job will not give him the security anybody requires when they grow older. so he set out to make himself self-sufficient thru setting up his own companies. for 9 years, he lived out of his car, with his and at times they had to go thru days without food. for 9 years, they did not take on any part time jobs or beg for money to supplement their daily need. they kept their belief that one day they will succeed and this will be behind them. and 9 years later, they finally realised their dream. 10 years after that realisation, they managed to retire peacefully, him being at the age of 45 and his wife at 35.

2 different stories. 2 different endings. most people's life parallels the first one but for the few and far in betweem who parallels the latter story, their lives are usually much much better of. the guy in story 2 also harboured thoughts of giving up because things were going tough for him and his wife, but his wife kept him focused. ah the power of true love.

so it is up to you now to decide what you want in life. take the easy way out and decide on something that would solve your problem for the time being. or take the harder way out, stick with your beliefs and at the end of the day, celebrate your win in any way you want to.

the choice is yours.

perspectives

2005-09-24T15:42:00.000+08:00

cant believe somethin in history class actually has a direct impact but that only goes to show that not everything we learn in school will become useless later on.

perspectives. a lot of arguments stem from this. i know my latest one does. the thing about perspectives is no one is right, neither is anyone wrong. because with perspective, you have your own set of rules and principles that you live by. these sets were created by you and moulded by your surroundings. even brothers and sisters living together for the longest of times would have different perspectives on the same issue.

one could say the grass is green, but if i were to counter and say that the grass is blue, am i wrong? sure common sense says that grass is green but could always grow grass in a blue solution and it'll turn out blue. its a weak argument to some, but the simplicity of it doesnt make it any less insignificant when understand this complex issue.

so how do we overcome this perspective barrier in relationships? well, the solution, like most solutions, would be to stop it before it even happens. you have to sit down with the that person and iron out the rules because in times of crisis, different people will act differently. so lay out those rules and agree to it. no point layin out your rules and nobody agrees. and no point laying out general rules that would have potential loopholes in the future.

i know its hard work, but with it comes the promise that you will have less arguments or maybe even none because now people will know what is expected of them in times of needs. and you dun have to do it with everyone, just with the people that matter. like the people at work, your family, your group mates. know what the rules are before plunging in or you'll be the frustrated one in the end.

red light

2005-08-14T17:25:00.000+08:00

have decided to give up blogging for now. dun really see a need to blog coz i'd rather do something else. and nah, i aint gonna ask you guys if i should continue to blog coz my mind's made up.

may continue later though but that's still something that's on the shelves. i've got more than enough activities to keep me occupied for now.

to all my fellow bloggers, enjoy blogging. i will still conitnue to visit your site and post a comment or two.

destiny

2005-07-14T11:57:00.000+08:00

everybody seems to want to know what their future lies. some try to interpret the stars. others go for personality test that suggest what kind of jobs would suit them best. and then there are those who seek the advice of fortune tellers.

now instead of spending more money trying to find out what lies ahead for your future, think about this.

the human mind is very mysterious. any thought that is put into it by the concious, is worked upon by the subconcious. you tell yourself you're never gonna make it, you probably wun. you tell yourself this is just a small problem and very soon you'll find a solution.

get where i am going with this? its not up to the stars or that fortune teller to tell you what will happen to you in the future. its up to you. sure he may get a couple of predictions right, but how many times are they right anyways? and if the stars or the tellers are so good at predicting futures, why is it that they're not specific in their sayings?

think about it. if a fortune teller tells you that your life will neevr work out and it doesnt, are you gonna blame him for instilling such thoughts into your head or are you gonna blame yourself for letting those thoughts manifest?

what do you own?

2005-07-06T17:01:00.000+08:00

three neighbours were talking when the subject of posessions came up. "i own a huge mansion!" one proudly proclaimed. "i own a successful farm!" said the second. "i have optimism," said the third quietly. his two neighbours laughed at him, for what good is possesion that cannot be seen or touched?

that night a huge storm struck. the storm destroyed the first neighbour's house. "what am i to do?" he cried. the storm ruined the second neighbour's crops. "what will i do?" he lamented. the storm also destroyed the third neighbour's home and farm. "hmmm, what should i do first?" he asked himself and then he began doing it. he rebuilt his home and replanted his crops.

his neighbours had been sitting this entire time, feeling sorry for themselves. but they watched their neighbour rebuild and they decided to ask him his secret. "it's no secret," the man said. "the only thing i own is what i think." the two neighbours suddenly understood, and with their third neighbour's help, they rebuilt too.

from then on, whenever they met, they did not talk about posessions. they talked about their blessings, and they shared them for what sense does it make to hold on to something you do not own?

race

2005-06-19T17:32:00.000+08:00

we all are tied down to one, right from birth. yet have you ever thought of the significance of having a race? what's the use of having a race? i cant really think of any of positive aspects of classifying people in groups of which they have no control over and cannot change at all through the course of their life. this profiling has caused a lot of problems, yet nothin good has really come out of it.

walk down the street and you may hear people saying things about other races. both good and bad. but what's the use? u know its just a generalisation. they say that the jews are the smartest people in the world. yet i have met some dumb jews. they said that the malays were good for nothings who have no aims in life yet i have seen many malay high fliers. the point is, what's the point of saying what this race is good for and what its not?

and for those people who are so proud of their race, they begin to look down on other races. look around you. if a guy is really proud of his race, he will start proclaiming great things about his people, to the extent that he starts saying things which you know do not hold true because you have seen it for yourself. but try to correct the person and chances are a heated argument is in the works.

so why have ppl been classified? why dun we just remove this racial thing? it would definitely stop the racism and the nonsensical talks. people wun be so critical if they din know what your origins were. and with so many inter-racial marriages nowadays, there will come a day when almost everybody has a different blood within him. can he still be classified under 1 race then?

also, what makes the person a person of that race? is it by their actions? by the way they speak? by their thoughts. all these are variables which are different from country to country. a chinese in china serves tea to their guest in the houses but it doesnt happen in singapore. so do u call those chinese in singapore chinese people? the arabs in the middle east serve coffee instead of tea but how often do you see that in singapore?

think bout it. it really doesnt make sense to profile these people into their origins. they say that i'm arab on my identity card but i have so many blood that i think to call me arab would be unfair. so what if the other arabs choose to look down on me coz i am not of pure descent? i prefer to look at as being blessed with multiple origins.

still think that putting your race is a good idea? still think that being proud of your race is noble? still think that you're race is the greatest? or that your race reigns over all other races?

think again.

back again...

2005-06-14T01:04:00.000+08:00

spent the last 1 month plus travelling and it's really opened my eyes to so many things around me. will post my thoughts on it soon. in the mean time... need to recup...

why quit now?

2005-04-14T11:21:00.000+08:00

all great thing start with a dream. a simple one that you got while listening to a boring lecture or while waiting for the bus at the bus stop. thru that dream, you saw how u could make your life so much better, and possibly those around you too as well.

but you also realised that fulfilling that dream and making it a part of your reality was not gonna be easy. there was gonna be a lot of obstacles that you would have to go thru, a lot of hard-knocks that you would have to endure. but at the bottom of it all, you also knew that there was the passion there to fuel your drive forward. forward to that dream.

and so with that dream in your head and that fire in your belly, you start to chase that dream. days and nights were spent thinking of possible paths and journeys that you could make to reach that sacred land. some were crazy, some were unfeasible but u just thought of anything that you could to reach it. and then u found one. one path. one journey that would take you there. it was still as crazy as the rest but it was the most feasible.

and people din believe you. people din think that you could achieve what you were setting out to do. they mocked at you. they made fun of you. they told you to wake up and smell the polluted air. but then there are those who believed in you, no matter how crazy your journey sounded. they encouraged you on. and with their encouragement and passion. you persevered.

then there comes a point of your journey. the turning point if i may call it. the point where you feel so dejected and so angry with the world around you. you had given up everything: your job security, your way of life, your comfort zones to achieve the dream. yet it was no where in sight. and everyone around you was tellin you that it was not goin to work out the way you wanted it to. that you should better do somethin else. something else that would at least bring you back to your glory days. but you knew they were wrong. you knew you were close. but you were also terrified that you may never reach mecca.

it's at this point that you have to push hard. harder than you have done before. coz to put it simply, its all downhill from there. it was the hardest point to get thru but its also one of the last few if not the last obstacles for you to go thru.

you can always quit, so why quit now? why quit when you have suffered so much? why quit when you are so near you goal?

always remeber that you're on the edge and think about quitting, change the channel and start thinkin about what got you into that situation in the first place. what was it that made you suffer so much? what was it that made you give up so much for nothing you could hold in your hand to assure you?

it was the passion of your dream. it was lost when all your insecurities set in. it was lost when people started disbelieving in you and thei disbelief rubbed onto you. but was it lost? i dun think so. it was buried. but never lost.

and when you have found that passion again, it starts up your spirits. it continues to burn. just as brightly and as strongly as before, if not even stronger. and it will give you the boost and fervour that you need to push yourself all the way on the final lap till you reach the finish line. and that's when you realised that you had in you all the time to make the journey.

you can always quit? but why quit now when you have gone thru so far? and are about to reach achieve your dreams?

impossible is nothing

2005-04-02T15:17:00.000+08:00

impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it.

impossible is not a fact. its an opinion. impossible is not a declaration. its a dare.

impossible is potential.

impossible is temporary.

IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING.

i don't wanna miss a thing

2005-03-21T18:52:00.000+08:00

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure

I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing

Lying close to you feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together
And I just wanna stay with you
In this moment forever, forever and ever

I don't wanna miss one smile
I don't wanna miss one kiss
Well, I just wanna be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just wanna hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time

Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
Cause I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing

Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep, yeah
I don't wanna miss a thing

money

2005-03-19T02:51:00.000+08:00

is it just me or is that being materialistic is part of most singaporeans genes? it's like a lot of girls that i noe of (there are those guys too) who are really, and i mean really materialistic. everything is about chasing the materialistic things in life.

a girl once told me that money is not everything in this world, but u do need money to survive. i kinda cringed when i heard that coz makin money your primary goal just isnt worth it, no matter at what cost.

so what if u drive a lamborghini or ferrari? so what if you have a house that's divided into a west wing and an east wing and u have an underground carpark that houses every make of mercedes from 1970 till the present? so what if you have all the materialistic thing in life? then what's your next goal? precisely my question to you.

while i do agree that u do need the green to survive in this world, but when u think about it all the time, it somehow gets to you after a while and changes you. you start to see people differently. what used to be ur friends now become ur rich friends and poor friends. you may not agree yet with me but time is a good teacher.

its alright to think bout money. but not all the time such that everythin that u think about has to do with it. should i get him that shirt for his birthday? he really likes it? nah i shan't spend that amount of money on him. what's up with that? money has s tarted to control the person.

the trick to chasing money is not to chase it too hard. like a bird in your hand, if you hold it too tight, it'll die and if you hold it too loosely, it'll fly away. and if you treat money that way, u would have mastered it and still be able to enjoy it.

think about it.

randomness

2005-03-10T18:23:00.000+08:00

a student is asked to toss a coin 100 times and write down the results if the toss turned up a head or a tail in the sequence it appeared. he is then asked to write another sequence of 100 coin toss BUT without tossing the coins AND which he thinks is a random sequence. he was then asked to submit both results to the teacher for analysis.

the teacher was able to tell which set of results was with the coin toss and which one was generated by the student even though the results din have any indication which set they belonged to.

how was this possible?

it is said that the trained eye is able to tell if a random event has occurred. now the thing that i am curious about is this: if an event is random yet a trained eye can point out if it was generated or random because the event follows a set of rules, can the event be considered to be random in the first place.

before i confuse you people further, i will explain what this set of rules is. for the coin toss, if you were take the runs of heads (a run being the number of times the head comes up continuously in a series of tosses, therefore HHH would represent a run of 3 heads and H would represent a run of 1 head and so forth), and plot it against the number of times the runs appear, the plot would fit a curve. the more the number of tosses, the better fit the curve.

now that we've gotten that out of the way, do u start to wonder, how a random event, such as a coin toss can have a determined set of results? its like you're able to predict the future for something that can go either way literally.

if randomness can really be pointed out and it has a set of rules, can it be called random anymore? it doesnt follow our defination of being random anymore.

or is our mindset limited such that we arent able to see a bigger picture that laid out before us?

plastic pearls

2005-03-08T01:19:00.000+08:00

Jenny was a bright-eyed, pretty five-year-old girl. One day
when she and her mother were checking out at the grocery
store, Jenny saw a plastic pearl necklace priced at $2.50.
How she wanted that necklace and when she asked her
mother if she would buy it for her, her mother said, "Well,
it is a pretty necklace, but it costs an awful lot of money.

I'll tell you what. I'll buy you the necklace, and when we
get home we can make up a list of chores that you can do
to pay for the necklace. And don't forget that for your birth-
day Grandma just might give you a whole dollar bill, too.
Okay?" Jenny agreed, and her mother bought the pearl neck-
lace for her. Jenny worked on her chores very hard everyday, and sure
enough, her Grandma gave her a brand new dollar bill for her
birthday. Soon Jenny had paid off the pearls.
How Jenny loved those pearls. She wore them everywhere -
to kindergarten, bed, and when she went out with her mother
to run errands. The only time she didn't wear them was in the
shower -her mother had told her that they would turn her neck
green.

Now Jenny had a very loving daddy. When Jenny went to bed,
he would get up from his favorite chair every night and read
Jenny her favorite story. One night when he finished the story,
he said, "Jenny, do you love me?"
"Oh yes, Daddy, you know I love you," the little girl said. "Well,
then, give me your pearls."
"Oh daddy, not my pearls!" Jenny said."But you can have Rosie,
my favorite doll. Remember her? You gave her to me last year
for my birthday.And you can have her tea party outfit,too.Okay?"
"Oh no, darling, that's okay." Her father brushed her cheek with
a kiss. "Good night, little one."
A week later, her father once again asked Jenny after her story,
"Do you love me?"
"Oh yes, Daddy, you know I love you."
"Well, then, give me your pearls."
"Oh, Daddy, not my pearls! But you can have Ribbons, my toy
horse. Do you remember her? She's my favorite. Her hair is so
soft, and you can play with it and braid it and everything. You
can have Ribbons if you want her, Daddy," the little girl said to
her father.
"No, that's okay," her father said and brushed her cheek again
with a kiss. "God bless you, little one. Sweet dreams."

Several days later, when Jenny's father came in to read her a
story, Jenny was sitting on her bed and her lip was trembling. "Here,
Daddy," she said, and held out her hand. She opened it and her
beloved pearl necklace was inside. She let it slip into her
father's hand.

With one hand her father held the plastic pearls and with the
other he pulled out of his pocket a blue velvet box. Inside of the
box were real, genuine, beautiful pearls. He had them all along.
He was waiting for Jenny to give up the cheap stuff so he could
give her the real thing.
So it is with our Heavenly Father. He is waiting for us to give
up the cheap things in our lives so that he can give us beautiful
treasure. Isn't God good?

Are you holding onto things which God wants you to let go of?
Are you holding onto harmful or unnecessary partners,
relationships, habits and activities which you have become so attached
to that it seems impossible to let go?
Sometimes it is so hard to see what is in the other hand but do
believe this one thing...................... God will never take
away something without giving you something better in its place.
Remember that the greatest gifts happen when you share love and
touch other's hearts. God bless you!

be

2005-03-06T16:26:00.000+08:00

be understanding to your enemies
be loyal to your friends
be strong enough to face the world each day
be weak enough to know you cannot do everything alone
be generous to those who need help
be frugal with what you need yourself
be wise enough to know that you do not know everything
be foolish enough to believe in miracles
be willing to share your joys
be willing to share the sorrows of others
be a leader when you are shrouded by the midst of uncertainty
be the first to congratulate an opponent who succeeds
be the last to criticize the colleague who fails
be sure your next step will fall so you will not stumble
be be sure of your final destination in case you are going the wrong way
be loving to those who love you

above all, be yourself

live the dream

2005-03-05T17:08:00.000+08:00

they say there's a fine line between reality. but where is that fine line drawn? and can it be shifted or is it the same for everyone? is it possible to be awake and still live in a world that u and many others dream of?

highly possible. and achievable if. if you want it that is. now wait a minute, if one could make their dreams come true, wouldnt everyone want to then? then what's stopping them from doing so? the answer's simple yet complex: your mind.

i think therefore i am. u find what u seek. some of the phrases that i share with ppl who ask how i live my life. settin myself limits was somethin i din do. when i wanted somethin, i din say it was too hard or too difficult or that i couldnt afford to do it. those were obstacles that i din need in achievin my goals. and it made my journey so much easier. focusin on the positive but keepin in mind the negatives in case they did come up, i could handle it. and life was pretty much good for me.

but out of the blue, i was made to realise that there was more in store. and the funny thing about it was i wasnt expecting it to happen. they say that the greatest things in life usually happen when u least expect it and i'm a believer of that; me being a happy victim of such circumstances.

so do dreams come true or they just something that we do when lectures get too boring? u decide. but if your answer's the latter, talk to me and u may just change your mind :P dreams d come true if you believe in it long enough and keep the faith.

when you want something you never had, you must do something you have never done

the power of love

2005-03-01T02:39:00.000+08:00

The whispers in the morning
Of lovers sleeping tight
Are rolling like thunder now
As I look in your eyes

I hold on to your body
And feel each move you make
Your voice is warm and tender
A love that I could not forsake

(first chorus)
'Cause I am your lady
And you are my man
Whenever you reach for me
I'll do all that I can

Lost is how I'm feeling lying in your arms
When the world outside's too
Much to take
That all ends when I'm with you

Even though there may be times
It seems I'm far away
Never wonder where I am
'Cause I am always by your side

(repeat first chorus)

(second chorus)
We're heading for something
Somewhere I've never been
Sometimes I am frightened
But I'm ready to learn
Of the power of love

The sound of your heart beating
Made it clear
Suddenly the feeling that I can't go on
Is light years away
(repeat first chorus)

(repeat second chorus)

blessed

2005-02-28T22:35:00.000+08:00

sometimes the best things in life happens when u least expect it. when u dun have to work for it. when u go about life as per normal and suddenly u find urself blessed with somethin that u have only dreamt of.

yet u cant describe what happens. common sense and logic has no place in its explaination. no matter how u try to make sense and reason it out, it just doesnt work out that way.

u noe u have somethin special yet u cant explain it or describe it to the ppl who ask why there's such a big smile on your face. yet deep inside u feel the reason for it all.

the most powerful of emotions and things that can happen to some ppl are beyond human comprehension. some will believe u. but many will mock and say that u are just making it up. whatever their opinions, u noe it dun matter to u.

thank you babe.

sunscreen

2005-02-28T22:09:00.000+08:00

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be
it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by
scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
than my own meandering
experience…I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not
understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and
recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before
you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you
imagine.

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing
bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that
never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm
on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you

Sing

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with
people who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes
you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with
yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you
succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your
life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they
wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year
olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe
you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky
chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t
congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your
choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body,
use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people
think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever
own..

Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for
good.

Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the
people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you
should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and
lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you
knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live
in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will
philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize
that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were
noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one
might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will
look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who
supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of
fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the
ugly parts and recycling it for more than
it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen…

rebirth

2005-02-28T03:50:00.000+08:00

i cant really think of anything to blog right now. actually i could think of so many things to blog but a lot of things have been happenin in my life recently that all my thoughts and ideas are pretty jumbled. every time i start bloggin, i end up not understandin what i'm readin. the words are in english yet they dun make sense. and i decided not to publish it.

gonna take a breather and refile my thoughts and i'll get back to this as soon as i can.

enemies

2005-02-16T23:47:00.000+08:00

keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. i dun noe who said that but it doesnt really matter. coz the advice is the most important. and i totally agree with it.

if you're gonna distant yourself from your enemies, how are you ever gonna learn of their next move on you? if you're gonna distant yourself from them, how are you gonna know how to protect yourself?

i used to hate my enemies. i din really noe if i hated someone so much coz they were better than me and in the process they turned into my enemies. or was it because i hated someone so much that he was my enemy and then i realised his strengths? either way there was somethin that i din see at that time.

and that is that i can learn from my enemies. no matter how much hatred i had, i still wanted to find out what made them better than me. why was it they always had the upper hand over me? wat was it they did that gave them this "super-power"?

always remember, respect thy enemy, no matter how weak they may appear. coz u never noe what lurks underneath it all.

glory

2005-02-16T09:36:00.000+08:00

always searching for it but seldom finding it. yet we continue our quest for that elusive thing. many have fail and many more will come to learn of the harsh truth surroundin this mystical gem but yet, like mindless drones, we carry on with it.

wat is it bout it that makes us yearn for it so much? because its the forbidden fruit that we were told to stay away from because it was bad for us? because it is something we dun have now and would very dearly want it in our hands one day? or somthing else?

why do we put all that have into something that has a high chance of failing and yet still invest so much of our resources into it? in the hope that everyone else would be proved wrong. but on a deeper level, in the hope that the faith we have in ourselves would pay off?

is it so hard to live the life that we have been given? a mainly comfortable life with the occasional bumps and humps to remind us to be appreciative of the things that we have and not to be greedy wanting the things that we dun have? is such a choice such a tough decision? being human, i could only imagine the answer being an affirmative YES!!

but being human also means that we have the gifts and powers inside of us to one day be able to touch the glory that we long so much for. being human means that we learn not thru success but thru the countless times that we have failed. being human means we can make choices and not just accept what we have been given. some call it being greedy. i prefer to call it being human.

the question we have to ask ourself is this: how much do we want it? bad enough to risk everything and anything we have and to ignore all advise coming our way so that all that we're dangling by is our belief? is anyone willing to go that far? is the juice worth the squeeze?

For glory only gives herself to those who have always dreamt of her

his true self

2005-02-15T12:48:00.000+08:00

and so the chains shall be broken, and the angel flaps his wings to soar.

no longer limiting himself, a metamorphosis begins.

eating away at his soul, wat he tries to stop, continues.

emotions becomin devoid, his heart turns to stone.

but his resolve hardens. to realise his potential. to realise his calling.

he was once scared of what the future would bring. no one, not even him, would have expected darkness from within. but it was there all along. it was just hidden.

but the time has come: "to embrace thy's destiny" he hears. and answers its call he shall.

fate, destiny and the stars

2005-02-12T09:25:00.000+08:00

do they really exist?

can we really believe those who say that they are able to se the future; to be able to tell u what your character is; to be able to tell you what you should do to get better luck?

or is it just a fallacy? an easy way to make money for these people?

while i do believe that the future can be predicted (it's been said in the torah, bible and quran in case you guys din noe), such an art should only be practised by those who have its true knowledge and not something they learnt off a book bought in kinokuniya.

and i dun think such a person exists today; considerin that the last person who really predicted the future was a prophet.

call me whatever you want, but do u reall think that your life was laid out for from the moment u entered this world all the way till you leave it? do you sincerely think, that for one, your character is just a seed within you, waiting to take root? if you say yes to any of the 2 questions above, what does it make u then?

i choose not to believe in such acts. i choose to take destiny into my own hand. i choose to mould my future with my own actions and not by the movement of the stars or the fallin of the waves.

i choose to be who i want to be because that is what i want to be and not because of what i was made to be.

success can take off without warning

2005-02-11T04:24:00.000+08:00

not that it's a bad thing. but will be ready for it when it comes?

does that sound like an illogical question? think bout it. who doesnt want success right? success in school, success at work, success in love. u name, there's bound to be someone who wants it. yet why the preparation for the success?

coz with success, there comes an intoxication of power. and if u aint prepared for it, ur next success will lead to ur next failure.

with success, it'll also show the loopholes that u have left behind. and if u dun work fast enough, it may just cause u to sink.

so whats one to do? how does one prepare oneself for it? if i could give u that answer, u wun be readin this blog for answers to the questions u seek. u noe what u need to do. u just noe. somehow.

success without preparation is just temporary success before permanent failure.

friendship

2005-02-08T01:35:00.000+08:00

can a man really survive without friendship and relationships?

i used to think to so pretty recently. the rich and the powerful. they din have friends. they were in a league of their own. the people around them had no emotional bonds to them. they were merely aquintances.

and it was not just a casual thought that got me to that conclusion. think bout it. with friendships and relationships, emotions are involved. emotions. the #1 obstacle that inhibits many a great things. but at the same time, the #1 booster that starts everything great.

but then, thru a conversation with a friend yesterday, i came to realise that no man can be where he is today without friendships and relationships. simply because it these 2 that help him grow and develop and become a much better person than he was yesterday.

a friend looks at u from a different perspective than the light u see urself in. it may not always be good but there's where the lesson comes in. u cant get that from a psychiatrist. nor from any other stranger u've met on the street. a friend can see and analyse u for who you trully are inside.

and that is invaluble to anyone.

i am the alpha. i am the omega

2005-02-07T13:28:00.000+08:00

i am the alpha and omega. the beginning and the end. the start and the finish.

such is the feelin that has been goin thru me recently. a sense of power if u may say. unleashed. uncontrolled. destructive.

i decide on my goal and work out the journey. what i desire, i set to acquire. failure is not an option. nor is it existent. setbacks are but minor obstacles to the promised land.

my reality has just expanded. and my mind is racin to accomodate it. yet underneath it all, my conscience is having trouble controlling it. a sign of weakness? or a sign of greater things to come?

i dunno.

dont stop dancing

2005-02-07T01:44:00.000+08:00

At times life is wicked and I just can't see the light
A silver lining sometimes isn't enough
To make some wrongs seem right
Whatever life brings
I've been through everything
And now I'm on my knees again

But I know I must go on
Although I hurt I must be strong
Because inside I know that many feel this way

Children don't stop dancing
Believe you can fly
Away...away

At times life's unfair and you know it's plain to see
Hey God I know I'm just a dot in this world
Have you forgot about me?
Whatever life brings
I've been through everything
And now I'm on my knees again

But I know I must go on
Although I hurt I must be strong
Because inside I know that many feel this way

Am I hiding in the shadows?
Forget the pain and forget the sorrows

But I know I must go on
Although I hurt I must be strong
Because inside I know that many feel this way

Children don't stop dancing
Believe you can fly
Away...away

Am I hiding in the shadows?
Are we hiding in the shadows?

when i'm gone

2005-02-03T10:10:00.000+08:00

There's another world inside of me that you may never see.
There's secrets in this life that I can't hide.
Somewhere in this darkness there's a life that I can't find.
Maybe it's too far away or maybe I'm just blind, maybe I'm justblind.

So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone.
Everything I am and everything in me
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be.
I'll never let you down even if I could.
I'd give up everything if only for your good.

So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.
You can hold me when I'm scared but you won't always be there,
So love me when I'm gone, love me when I'm gone
When your education x-ray cannot see under my skin.
I won't tell you a damn thing that I could not tell my friends.

Now roaming through this darkness I'm alive but I'm alone.
Part of me is fighting this but part of me is gone.
So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone.

Everything I am and everything in me.
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be,
Ill never let you down even if I could.
I'd give up everything if only for your good.

So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong
You can hold me when I'm scared, you won't always be there,
So love me when I'm gone.
(Maybe I'm just blind)

So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone.
Everything I am and everything in me,
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be.

I'll never let you down even if I could.
I'd give up everything if only for your good.
So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.
You can hold me when I'm scared, you won't always be there.
So love me when I'm gone, love me when I'm gone.

arise young phoenix, from the fires

2005-02-02T01:57:00.000+08:00

it is said the the phoenix is born of fire. of hatred. of destruction. of all things negative. from this fire, a new phoenix arises, spreadin its majestic wings and soaring thru the air.

but not all fires create phoenixes. there has to be somethin special in tha flame. it would have to have been burnin for a long time. it would have to affected by its surroundings. it would have to take it all in. to consume all that comes within its reach. and at the same time, stop itself from engulfing others.

and when the phoenix is born, it is awed by the majority. it is worshipped upon. it is held in high esteem. it is the epitome of all things great. but is it really? is the phoenix all that good and pure?

how can a phoenix, created from the fires be of such high stature? phoenixes, though beautiful and highly regarded, are evil. the sole purpose of their existance is the destruction of those that created it.

those who had tortured and tormented the flame that used to burn so dilligently and so peacefully, not disturbing anyone, would have to soon face redemption. for the flame, though calm on the outside, startin to harness hate and the thirst for revenge.

but not all phoenixes are bad. these great creatures can be put on the path of good, if nurtured from young. but it will b a tough journey to change somethin from bad to good. however, anythin is possible.

so arise young phoenix, and embrace ur destiny. the choice is yours to make, no matter what ur history.

the road to perfection has no finish line

2005-01-31T21:28:00.000+08:00

how can someone chase something when they noe right from the start that they'll never get it? the only reason they get into the race is to make themselves better. they can choose to opt out anytime but they'll never reach the finish line. their rewards come in many forms and the longer they're in the race, the better they get.

now before u go off and say u aint one of us, think again. education. work. sports. all these are races, just different at the initial glance. we all strive to be the best in watever we do. yet we noe we'll never be the best.

the race is an exhilirating one. and the best part is, there are no losers. only early finishers who can carry on from where they left of if they wanted to.

we were born for greatness. inside each of us is a force that can change the world. in our head is tool more powerful than any weapon created and will be created by man. with our hands, we can mould the world around us to suit our needs. and with our hearts, we will make it all come together for the good of all.

yet very few people have realised this. they would rather live with what they have than work towards what they deserve.

so wat are u waiting for?

dun live a life of regrets

2005-01-30T15:44:00.000+08:00

many times we have heard it. yet we turn a deaf ear on it. and yet when we lose that special somethin or someone, we regret our actions. and fixing things may not or may even never put things back to where they were.

in life we're always lookin for that special moment, that speacial thing, that special someone. and as fairy-tale as we want it to drop onto our laps, it dun. the just come into our lives naturally and we never thought they were wat we were searching for.

but we felt somethin different. small changes at first. and it becomes bigger and bigger. we started feelin contented with what we had. we started living our life the way we wanted it to be. we started to become whole. but we never for once it was because of that something special. that we had caused these changes ourselves.

yet when that something special leaves our lives, we're all of a sudden reeling from the pain of realising that we had let go of something special. something which we had been searchin and thought we had never found. and the thing bout it is that when it leaves, chances are it'll never come back.

we could lament at what we've lost but that's not gonna change anything. or we could embrace what we have been blessed with and appreicate it for enterin our lives and completing us. the choice is yours. open your eyes. let ur heart lead u. coz not all decisions are made to be decided by the mind.

insecurity

2005-01-29T09:08:00.000+08:00

*for reasons, the previous post had to be removed*

ever had that feelin where u were always worrying bout somethin which u think u had or u truly had? kinda sucks doesnt it? u just dun wanna feel that way but somehow it just comes and haunts u. and the more u think bout it the more it engulfs u. not at one shot. but a little at a time till u go crazy or somehow managed to psyscho-ed urself to get out of it.

and insecurity can come in so many forms. from the mild kind of worryin, till the extreme form of obsession. from tryin to ignore it and get on with life to over-reactin to everything around. doin dumb stuff and sayin lame things. hahaha. i'm sure we've all been there or seen someone act that way before.

let's face it. we are not the best. not in any terms. if u think u are good-lookin, there's always a better lookin person out there. think u are rich, there is always a richer person (unless of course u are Bill Gates). think u're smart and u find a smarter kid the next day. u get the picture. and this is where the insecurity comes from. we are scared of losing what we have to someone who's better. scared of losin our place in society. scared of losing that number 1 spot. scared of losing just about anything to someone else.

it all stems from lack of confidence and can be overcome. if u can keep that though in mind, u'll be goin thru life as if u are the most good lookin, richest, smartest and what have u nots. u still wun be able to get rid of that thoughts of insecurity totally but at least u noe this time that u're better equipped to handle it.

the greatest of man is the one who can see himself for who he is.

education and foreign talent

2005-01-26T08:05:00.000+08:00

well i get we could continue this from my previous education post or u could read it on its own. no big deal coz its different yet similar.

now as singaporeans we all noe that sg imports a whole load of foreign talent. and a lot of singaporeans are unhappy with that. why? coz they have to compete with these foreign talents for their jobs and most of the time, end up losing it to them. is there somethin wrong with the system? are these foreign talents really better than singaporeans? or is there something else?

which country would not like to provide employment to its own citizens? its one of the ways to ensure that the current government ensures that it remains in office right? so why are a lot of local companies importing foreign talent?

simply coz most singaporeans cant make it in the workin world. while they may have the academic knowledge to get that interiew, they do not have the lifeskills, the personality, the attitude or the street intelligence that would make their potential employers want them. to most sg students, as long as u have the paper qualifications, u're almost there. well sorry to burst ur bubble ppl, but that aint the case.

another sad thing that u see is the way sg students compete with each other. if u are good, u dun want others to be good so that u can be the best in ur course/module/whatever. if a weaker student comes to u for help, u'll feign ignorance or dun teach them fully. why? not coz u dun noe, but coz u dun want them to be as good as u. so at the end of ur academic life, u end up being the best, thru such means.

now what about the foreign talents? they dun have such a mindset. to them, they wanna help those around them realise their potential. its all right by them if the friend they teach end up being better than them. sure they'll be bothered for a while but who wouldnt? but they realise that their friends had more potential than them and just needed a little extra help. to these ppl, its alright not to be the best because u are among the best. its alright to not graduate at the top of the class with all As because they have learnt somethin more valuable than wat can b found in the textbook.

now when u compare both students and how they went thru uni life, who do u think the employer would want? and who would be able to shine better? the sg student who tried to eliminate competition or the foreign talent who builds on competition?

i agree that this is stereotyping but its wat i see when i meet both groups of ppl. to me its alright not to be the best but to land among them. ur grades are just part of ur arsenal in the workin world. but remember that there are other things u can pull out as well.

do not kill the competition to get wat u want. instead work with them and help each other out. coz that way, u both will be able to bring each other to newer heights, heights the 2 of u would not have been able to achieve if u had gone solo.

life's a journey best travelled in groups

giving up

2005-01-25T10:09:00.000+08:00

when does one give up what they've been pursuing? there's no guideline on this as we all noe. but if u give up too quickly, u're branded as someone who doesnt try hard enough. and hang on for too long and wishful thinkin is just as good an alternative.

i dun care what i am branded with my actions. for me i live for myself. i dun seek approval from others. i dun seek to please others in hope of acceptance. if u love someone, u should be able to accept them for who they are. not because of who u want them to be. i guess that's a measure of true love.

so back to the topic, how do we know? i guess its that feelin when u've tried all that's within ur power and ability to chase for somethin that u really really want and one day u wake up and u feel so tired from it all. not tired in a pissed off way but tired in a lethargic kind of way. like the emotional and physical baggage has started to take its toll on u. and you hang on just a little longer to see how it goes and hope that somethin happens soon. but we all know what happens then.

so are those who continue tryin to get what they want really wasting their time? i dun think so. if it can be justified, then why not i would say. but always be true to urself. true to ur actions. dun do it for someone else. do it for yourself. coz when that someone's gone, ur motivation is gone.

do what you want, because u want to do it, not because u seek approval

common sense

2005-01-24T18:06:00.000+08:00

everyone's born with it. or so its presumed. yet there are many a times when we have forgotten bout it when making decisions in life. and so it became to be known as those used their common sense and those who din. but are there only 2 groups of ppl? is it really so clear cut?

wat bout those who disregard common sense to make their decisions? not all the time, but durin those crucial moments? like a businessman setting up a new venture. like researcher workin on a new project. no amount of calculation and data will ever justify what u feel is right. no amount of logic will ever be able to change your mind because of what u want to do.

and if u were to fail, ppl would laugh at u and call u names for not using ur common sense. but what if u were successful at it? is it worth the risk? has society become so rigid that we can no longer accept failure as a steppin stone to success?

sometimes we just cant justify why we do what we do. i m guilty of such things. but it was those times that using common sense would just not work out; believe it or not. have i lived to regret those scenarios where i din use my common sense? nope, coz with every experience i learn somethin new. would i do it again if i was given the chance? definitely.

common sense was a gift given by God to help mankind navigate his life. but it isnt the only gift for the journey.

different context, different worlds

2005-01-24T08:24:00.000+08:00

funny how there's something else that breaks apart mankind with a much more powerful force than race or religion. and yet no one tries to overcome or find a solution. the power of your own mindset, the power of your own context is powerful for you to create your own world and shut others out of it. unlike race or religion where people can learn to respect and live with each other, if u have 2 different ppl of different mindsets, peace can b pretty rare; and that's me being optimistic.

so wat kinda mindsets are we talkin about? anything i'd say. beliefs in God. your principles. what the future holds for us. anything.

weird as it seems, predicting the future can separate people. and even weirder is that neither of the party is totally right. while it's true that we always dream of a great future and have aspirations we wanna see come true, its just that. nothin concrete will come out of it. and while it is impractical to not even think bout the future coz that's where we are heading, not placing an emphasis on it doesnt seem like such a bad idea.

for me, the future is a 6 letter word. which has yet to come. and which will never come. i live for the moment so that what i did today, i wun regret it 24 hours later. living life for the moment and not caring bout the world round me u say? i dun think so.

sometimes we worry so much bout the future that we can never focus on the present. we fail to see what have been blessed with today coz we always worry if it'll b there for us tomorrow. we always wonder how tomorrow will turn out but we never think about how we can maximise today. we always plan for the future and yet we never treasure the present.

don't you find it weird that u're plannin for somethin that u dun have and ignoring somethin that u do?

think too much about the future and you will never be able to enjoy the present

the realm of perfection

2005-01-19T14:57:00.000+08:00

always chasing it, never arriving at it. the journey was long and filled with many ups and downs. lessons were in abundance and waiting to be learnt. pitfalls awaited those who thought they had mastered their game to remind them there were still a lot more before they reach their destination. it no longer matter as to how strong u were on the outside. but to keep on travelling on that road and yet not reach your destination can be a very demoralising process right? which was why i stopped travelling it back in sec sch.

until now...

i came across this quote. 2 quotes actually. that made me change my views once again and resumed what i had set out a long time ago.

the end of the journey (destination) is not as important as the journey itself.
wat we learn while on our journey in life is just as if not more important than what we set out to achieve, be it that dream job or dream girl. sometimes we lose track of that and we get lost in the wilderness.

success can take off without warning
while an airplane on a runaway just keeps goin and goin until it reaches a certain speed before it lifts off the ground, the success or destination has no take off speed. we could be chasin it for 2 days, 2 weeks, 2 months, or even 2 years before we'll ever fly with the eagles. it may be a long journey. but that feeling of when u are flyin up there beats anything else in this world.

and today i make the promise to myself that i shall take control of my life. to realise what was inside in me. at times it can be scary to picture ur future self. power is intoxicating. and those who disagree either have yet to taste real power or are too pure. and no one's pure :P

p.s. somehow this post seems pretty disjointed and all but who cares? i dun :P

education. scene 2 act 1

2005-01-17T09:06:00.000+08:00

so what's the purpose of education anyways? some say its to get a better paying job. some say its to gain respect in society. some even as far as to say that it makes it easier for the government to govern its people. all are true; and it all depends on how you wanna look at it.

now i aint downplaying the role of education in our society. while i agree to a certain extent of its importance, its gotta be know that it aint as important as most people think. why? coz education is just a small part of knowledge.

there is no wordplay here. the 2, education and knowledge, are as different as fire and ice. fail a test or an exam and you would have been thought as to not havin an education. learn about something and still fail it and you would have gained knowledge. there is no pressure in knowledge but a whole bagful of it with education. its funny how the one thing that is important in our lives and how we go about it, we choose to push it aside in our strive for its weaker cousin.

with knowledge, you learn that u dun have to prove yourself to others coz there are no standards for u to surpass. with education, u are expected to be of a certain calibre. good and bad in both cases; again the onus lies on u on how you would want to look at it.

your education wun get u far in this life. it may get u the interviews at the best companies in the world. but that's just about it. without knowledge such as people skills and charming those ppl conducting your interviews, your application and their trash will end up in the same place. so think about it. is what u are pursuin worth the effort? and what about a different kind of pursuit in another direction? choosing only one over the other aint exactly a smart move. its common ground that reigns supreme over here.

education. scene 1 act 1

2005-01-16T13:49:00.000+08:00

man this topic has been on my mind for quite some time. since i entered uni and lately it evolved into somethin larger during the dec holz when i had nothin better to do than reflect on life and what i wanted out of it. and apparently education was a hotly debated topic (between me and myself that is).

so whats the big deal about education? someone tell me please. i cannot understand how a person with a paper qualification is so much better than one who doesnt. does a business student who just graduated with first class honours have better business sense than the owner of Creative? who are the better mechanics? a graduate from the engine faculty with the right knowledge or a seasoned mechanic? followin me so far? if anything, that paper qualification only proves that you are good memorizing and applying what you have learnt.... but on paper.

now dun get me wrong. i aint bashin blindly at all highly educated people. but it irks me when these highly educated ppl complain that they got passed on a job offer coz someone of lower academic qualifications got it instead. WAKE UP AND SMELL THE FRESH AIR MAN. life's not all about paper qualifications. your character, your attitude, your communication skills. all that counts for a whole lot more. it aint a surprise that a lot of SG companies that or any companies for that matter aint doin well when they put too much emphasis on paper qualifications.

so if i were to set up a business or company, are you wonderin if i will overlook paper qualifications. while i dun wanna employ a dumbass, if he can prove to me that he's worth the money that he demands, then he'll be mine. no o levels, no worries.

alright i'll stop here for the time being before this blog entry gets too long. will continue with the other parts soon.

i was born smart. education ruined me

mental block

2005-01-15T23:01:00.000+08:00

cant seem to find a something to blog about. alright that's a lie. there's many things that i could wanna blog about but all those posts only seemed half complete to me after writting them so i shan't release it as yet. check back here in a while and i'll try to get a complete post up in a while.

moral fiber

2005-01-11T01:51:00.000+08:00

so what is moral fiber? it's funny. i used to think it it was always telling the truth, doing good deeds. you know, basically being a fucking boy scout.

but lately i have been seeing it differently. now i think that moral fiber is finding that one thing you really care about. the one special thing that means more to you than anything else in the world. and when you find her, you fight for her. you risk it all. you put her in front of everything. your future. your life. all of it.

and maybe the stuff you do to help her isn't so clean. so what? it doesnt matter. but in your heart, you know, the juice is worth the squeeze. that's what moral fiber is all about.

so why are you running away?

2005-01-09T13:24:00.000+08:00

I don't want you to give it all up
And leave your own life collecting dust
And I don't want you to feel sorry for me
You never gave us a chance to be
And I don't need you to be by my side
To tell me that everything's alright
I just wanted you to tell me the truth
You know I'd do that for you
So Why are you running away?
Why are you running away?
Cause I did enough to show you that I
Was willing to give and sacrifice
And I was the one who was lifting you up
When you thought your life had had enough
And when I get close, you turn away
There's nothing that I can do or say
So now I need you to tell me the truth
You know I'd do that for you
So why are you running away?
Why are you running away?
Is it me, is it you
Nothing that I can do
To make you change your mind
Is it me, is it you
Nothing that I can do
Is it a waste of time?
Is it me, is it you
Nothing that I can do
To make you change your mind
So why are you running away?
Why are you running away?
...What is it I've to say...
So why are you running away?
...To make you admit you're afraid...
Why are you running away?

confrontations pt II

2005-01-08T01:41:00.000+08:00

no this aint an usher song and no i din mis-spell confessions. just wanted to continue from where i left off on the confrontations post.

hands up if u currently have a grudge or is unhappy with someone you know. now keep that hand up if that person who is causing you to feel that way DOESN'T know that they are or if they do, they have no idea wat the reason is.

now most of you who put your hands up for the first question would have continued to have kept it up for the second one. its ok. u can put ur hands down. the thing is, why are you doing it? why are you prolonging your pain? your hurt? your anger?

wun it be easier if u just confronted that person who made u feel that way and talk things out with him/her. wouldnt it be so much less time-consuming than giving him the cold shoulder treatment and ignoring him? do u really have so much time to begin with? oh i'm not going to talk to him coz he forgot that he would take me out today. come on girl, there're hundred and one reasons why a guy would have forgetten something, even if it concerns u. face it. ur other half is just as human as u are. shoot him and he bleeds.

the thing is, most human beings aren't born with the gift of reading ppl's minds which makes it pretty hard for that chap to find out why he screwed up. if he got that far of finding out that he had screwed up, even better. but most dun usually know it the first time they meet the person after offendin them. so help him out a bit and talk it out with him. things will definitely be much better after that and you'll thank me for it (lunch would be a good gesture).

a word of thanks

2005-01-05T14:00:00.000+08:00

A Singaporean expressing his gratitude in keeping with the festive season.A bit late but nevertheless, it is funny and sarcastic enough for circulation still. Read it to the end, you wun regret it:

"As Christmas draws nearer, I find that it is important to reflect on our lives and be thankful for the blessings that we have. I am thankful that unlike me, who has foolishly wasted my vote on the opposition, many Singaporeans has made the right choice in deciding to vote for the PAP.

I am thankful that unlike other countries who are wasting their time tackling unimportant issues like recession and rising unemployment, our goverment has decided to address the most important issue of the day since being returned to power -- dirty coffeshop toilets. I am thankful that from now onwards my descendents will no longer be condemned to using filthy public toilets. I am thankful that instead on concentrating their efforts on frivolous things like stimulating the economy and creating new jobs, the goverment has been focusing their time and effort on important things like clean toilets and a $500 million budget for World Cup 2010. At least the jobless will be able to stay at home and watch soccer instead of doing stupid things like working -- these things should be left to the FTs.

I am thankful that LHL has not foolishly tried to run for election in a contested ward because who knows, he might have lost and we would not have our next PM. I am thankful that the difficult decision of deciding who should be the next PM is not up to the Singaporeans to decide. I am thankful to the goverment for doing the thinking for me -- saves the effort. I have already made up my mind, now I am just waiting for the goverment to tell me what it is.

I am thankful that in a nation where 75% of the population are idiots, in the future we will have the King of Idiots to rule over us.

I am thankful that the NSS is not vote buying by the goverment.

I am thankful the our goverment is not like some other repressive regimes that throws its opposition into jail, instead they will be made bankrupts in courts presided by judges appointed by the goverment. I am thankful that despite owing their jobs to the PAP, our court judges are still able to remain just and impartial.

I am thankful the unlike other countries, our labour unions is controlled by the goverment -- otherwise we might have labour strikes if the unions are too concerned with improving the lives of our workers instead of working with the goverment in finding ways to cut wages.

I am thankful that even though I am paid like a third world second class worker, I can still have a first world lifestyle. I am thankful that even though we are a first world society in many aspects, our wages are still competitive with third world countries.

I am thankful that the CEOs in Singapore are among the best paid in the world -- second only to Hong Kong in Asia while our goverment recommends that the wages of ordinary workers be cut to save jobs. I am thankful that the average wage for a CEO is $ 1.1 million while the average wage of a Singaporean is $20,000.

I am thankful that our goverment believes in equality and a fair distribution of wealth.

I am thankful that it will take me 15-20 years to pay for a HDB flat.

I am thankful that the NTUC has decided to help the workers by lowering their prices so that I don't have to go down to Carrefour or Cold Storage for cheaper groceries -- instead I could just do my shopping at the neighbourhood NTUC. I am thankful that the chairman of the NTUC is appointed by the goverment instead of being decided by its members.

I am thankful that our million dollar ministers has come up with the brilliant plan of cutting wages to reduce business cost to protect existing jobs. It was a stroke of genius. Only an uneducated idiot like me would think of things like cutting corporate taxes, reducing rents, temporarily suspending the ERP system or maybe even cutting the GST and reducing the costs of living and doing business.

I am thankful that the government has not done anything to reduce the money going to government because we might not be able to afford our world class million dollar cabinet. I am thankful to the government for giving me the opportunity to do my duty as a citizen in bearing the brunt of the recession.

I am thankful to the CDC for their job matching schemes and how they have showed that a university education does not restrict you to only cushy desk jobs. Instead now Singapore can boasts of the most highly educated cab drivers, cleaners and security guards in the world. Instead of cab drivers who will complain about our government to foreign tourist in broken english, we will now have university graduates who can tell the foreigners how the goverment will treat them better than their own citizens and how the cushy desk jobs will be reserved for them while our graduates ferry them to and fro from work in cabs and clean their office and tables for them at work.

I am also thankful to the PAP for constantly reminding me what a sacrifice they are making by forgoing their generous private sector pay in serving the nation. Instead now they'll have to try to makedo with a measly MP allowance of $20,000 per month. I am thankful that I can still have a part-time MP for only $20,000.

I am also thankful that our politicians don't have to reveal their personal assets when standing for election unlike other countries. This could have digged up some skeletons in the closets and marred our reputation as a corruption free country.

I am thankful that there is no corruption, cronynism and nepotism in our goverment becuase the goverment told us that there isn't. I am thankful that no evidence is needed.

I am thankful that our new life sciences industry will generate at least 10,000 new jobs. Now we can employ even more FTs (Foreign Talents)and let Singaporeans compete for the remaining 132 cleaning and security postions. Not to worry, the CDC will probably step in to match our university graduates to these positions as well.

I am thankful that one day I won't have to work because my job will be taken over by a cheaper FT. I am also thankful that I will probably starve to death because Buddha says -- to live is to suffer and I won't have to suffer anymore.

I am just thankful that I have a opportunity to show my appreciation to the goverment in this forum -- more good years indeed and PAP forever."

By a Singaporean

confrontations

2005-01-04T01:40:00.000+08:00

how many of us have been in such a situation before? we're waiting for a cab for quite some time and all of a sudden, this other person pops out some distance away and is also waiting for a cab. and what do you do? curse and swear and just accept it? or go up to the person and confront him nicely that he had jumped the queue. the former i'd say coz i used to b such a person too.

the problem with us i guess is that we dun like to confront things. and the reason for that can be and endless list. fear of shaming yourself. fear of getting into an argument that would attract nearby attention. fear of getting into a fight. fear for the friendship that is on the line. the list goes on.

well now u can do 2 things. 1 is to simply accept what is happenin and shut up bout it. no use complaining coz it aint gonna change anything. 2 is to go up there and confront the situation head on. the beauty of it is that, most of the time, u will realise that confrontations aint as bad as u thought it was. it could be a case of misunderstandings or lack of info that lead to the situation and if u had not confronted it as u had done, you wouldn't have known.

so what's ur stand gonna be the next time someone gets in your line? are u gonna choose option 1 or 2? the choice is always there for u. thats wat makes us humans.

a friend has the ability to make u feel good. a true friend has the ability to make you better.

never assume greatness

2004-12-25T20:02:00.000+08:00

everytime u think u've reached the peak of your game, something just has to happen to remind u that there's still more to learn. hahaha. i aint complaining bout that coz challenges are always welcomed. i just wished i could bask in that feelin (of reachin the peak) a bit longer before i have to go on and take on those new challenges. oh well. another day moves on...

the samurais were not great coz of their technique. they were great coz they weren't afraid to die

it's all bout what's up there, in your mind that is

2004-12-20T09:44:00.000+08:00

why do ppl limit their reality? why do they impose on themselves? dont't they know that they can get what they want, if they just work hard for it? examples are always there in their everyday lives. you wanna get in shape, you work out. you wanna get an A in the exams, you study for it. you wanna make money, you work for it. miracles do happen and u sometimes dun have to work for those things but that's another issue entirely.

so why not work for what you want? instead of choosing to stick to your reality and believe what is most probably goin to happen. how will one grow and experience new experiences if they are all afraid of venturing out of their realities? am i being crazy or idealistic by sayin such stuff? well it all depends on what your reality is in the first place.

i once read somewhere that the future is a big lie. a big lie that we tell ourselves. lies such as "i can't do that", "it's impossible", "i'm not smart enough to accomplish that" and so on. now to me, within my reality, if you were to tell me such things, i'd say you are lying. and why would i do that? simply because the future isn't here yet. so how can u say u have failed when u have yet to even try? but why is it that when such ppl say such negative things about the future, they come true? coz THEIR WORDS BECOME FLESH. they chose to believe their words and their destiny and it became true. now look at those who have also lied about their futures but in a positive way. lies such as "i'm gonna break that world record", "i'll be the next big thing" and so forth. again lies coz the future has yet to happen. but the thing is their future turns out the way they said it. THEIR WORDS BECOME FLESH. so if you are lying about your future, why not lie about it in a positive way? one that would bring you success and happiness instead of disappointment and sadness?

now at this point (or maybe earlier) some may even be sayin, the world and reality that i talk of doesnt exist. that if i were to use my common sense, i would see how wrong i have been. well i dun blame these ppl for sayin such things coz their judgement is shaped by their mindset. what i choose to make my reality is what they perceive to be fantasy. until you can break out or exapnd your reality or at least be open minded, there's just no way we can see eye to eye. u dun have to accept what i am sayin coz i aint here to change your mindset. just offering you a diff perspective; a perspective that was there all along but one which a lot of ppl (including me at one stage) failed to see.

there may be a fine line between dreams and realities but it all depends on how you want to draw that line.